No time for jokes, need to be serious after I really took it on the chin last week, but enough about what my husband does to me at home when I whisper in his ear about taking away health care from poor kids. Let's get to the picks. As always, all lines are brought to you by the fine folks at SportsPlays.com.

SEASON RECORD: 9-10-1

Western Michigan +4.5 at Syracuse

I really don't know what to think of either team, one minute they're great, the next they're a tire fire. Let's go with WMU on the road, and in fact, to pull out the win outright.

Louisiana at Ohio -3

Basically a pick 'em game, sort of like how I get to pick what things offend me and which don't. HINT: Anything that doesn't benefit me, a Republican, offends me. That said, oof is this tough, give me Ohio at home.

Troy at Akron +17.5

I'm never picking Akron again, mainly because that liberal LeBron James is from there. Shut up and dribble. Troy please.

Central Connecticut at Eastern Michigan -33

How does a state that's like 10 feet wide even have a distinguishable central part? Eagles at home.

Miami +39 at Ohio State

Listen, if your own coach is talking shit about how bad you are compared to Ohio State, maybe you're not going to cover. Buckeyes.

Temple at Buffalo +14.5

Buffalo got crushed by Liberty last week, just like the liberal elites are going to by the Lord of Liberty, Donald Trump in 2020. Owls.

Bowling Green at Kent State -11

The only thing green about bowling is my face after watching the Falcons on offense. Kent State starts MAC play like a trip to Breitbart: The RIGHT way.

Central Michigan +29.5 at Miami

It's supposed to be rainy in Miami which could make for a sloppy track. That, and as always, fuck Dan Enos. Chips please, but enough about me when I'm sad after thinking about my father, A war hero and a Republican, and his sad death that rocked our country and I need to binge eat.

Ball State +19.5 at NC State

我预测e team in black, red, and white with State in their name wins this one. But more specifically, the one that isn't from the home state of Mike Pence, a great friend of my father, who I may have mentioned here before.

Toledo -9 at Colorado State

Wait, a road favorite against an actual school? Give me the Rockets. The thin air will get them higher than the stoners in that dirty hippy state that the Rams play in.